Note
I've been wondering a little bit what to say abut WOC this year, it's the kind of thing i would write a proper article about but i've not felt like writing for a long time. i've not really been feeling myself for a while, and training has been... well, it's been some training but not as good as it could be. i've lost so much confidence in my training (especially physically, which was always a stronger area!) and the only real honest explanation that i've often been too unhappy to function properly, it sometimes feels like it has a physical effect as well as on my mood.
i always try hard to push through these tougher times, to see if i can surprise myself and race well, because preparation hardly ever goes perfectly. so i tried to give myself every chance, but i couldn't magic any confidence here. there's just not enough of the more basic life needs being met to have enough good feeling to really be able to compete and push hard. it's hard to explain, it feels like a self-protective mechanism and i can't really override that with any amount of determination.
what has been a quite painful week as an athlete has been made better by the people around, who have been great fun, supportive and understanding, and that's meant that instead of completely breaking down i've actually come away with a few solutions. so there are some changes on the way and i'm so excited about that! i can tell when i run that i'm not as far away from normal as it sometimes feels, so i hope in the next few weeks i can return to being a bit more myself :-) i absolutely love what i do and i'll do whatever it takes to keep improving and fighting for even better results.