That note made me cry. All I could do was think about the day that's me and my mom, and I can't bear the thought.
Kissy, I can totally relate. Years before my mom was even sick, I felt the same way.
It's not fun. On the other hand, feeling this way helps you make sure you really savor the times you have together now.
I missed out on the whole part of life of having an emotional bond with a parent. I've seen more of her in the last two years than all the rest combined. The sad part is that her diminished mental capacity combined with her inherent privacy has meant that what conversations we have had haven't been too much. But it has still be an interesting and rewarding experience.
The really depressing part is that I see myself in her condition in the not too distant future. And that is an image that is quite terrifying. And has me doing everything I can to keep being active while I still can. And also, to keep writing things down so that when my mind disappears, I'll have a way of remembering a little bit of my life. Sad, but reality.
I became friends with my mom relatively late in the game, maybe the last six years or so she was alive. In my 30s and 40s I talked with her on the phone maybe twice a year. The last few years, almost every day.