Run32:00  shoes: Inov-8 Mudlcaw 330 August 2009
On both sides of Forbidden Drive.
Truly, one of the best parts about running is being able to run in the snow. Everything else is just noise.
After the DVOA mapping meeting and award presentation, I drove back to Boston.
1) Marx (Materialism)
2) Marx (Alienation) [I'm looking forward to finishing the Wealth of Nations so I can start up my Marx.]
5) Schopenhauer [By this time, I was really struggling to stay awake.]
Time for a little reflection. I was struck at the incipient parallels between my life and Fight Club. (I hope not the inexorable slide towards insanity.)
In Fight Club, as the narrator flits through the interstices between sleep and consciousness--as he travels through space and time--he starts to become aware of his fellow travellers. He sees the black eyes, the secret signals. And the ranks of the the "in crowd" begin to crowd out everything else and constitute their own reality.
So, what are the parallels? Somehow one can start to occupy this purgatory or alternative universe of the unemployed. Maybe you come across one other like yourself and you shrug it off. But, soon you find yourself seeing the same (growing) group of people everywhere. You have your handshakes, your furtive, knowing glances. You move among the "others" but you are your own species. Kind of like zombies among the living, somehow trying to fit in. Do the "others" see you? (Maybe this is the sensation that illegal aliens feel?)
Well, enough of the allegory. What I find crazy, and actually annoying is when the lies that people feel compelled to tell themselves are told to others. For instance, why say stuff like "having a blast networking and learning and talking to folks" or "so I am looking around. Very exciting and fun"? (That is from one person today, but a different individual essentially said the same thing this afternoon.)
So, either these people actually feel like this... God bless them. Or they are crazy. Or they are lying. Who knows. But, does enunciating thoughts like that make things better?
Finally, a question... is it better to be a person such that people understand 90%+ of you in 15 minutes or a person that will take people years or even a lifetime to understand? I never really cared about the answer to this question before, but I have concluded there is a limit to how self-reliant anyone can be.
Between the crazy rent increase necessitating another move, figuring out how to pay taxes for my stupid DE LLC doing business in PA, getting a job (which seems elusive), doing this US Team stuff, selling and repairing our house in PA (what we pay on housing is much more than 100% of our total income--so, if I stop eating that might be helpful), doing my linear algebra, and writing up this proposal for a sort of consulting thing for the Philly Fed (which will pay little, but more than $0) I am at the end of my tether.
Oh, and our two cars, one of which is being driven by a friend, overdue for inspection ... og ... insurance ... student loans.