Discussion: Where is your race report?
in: Hermes; Hermes > 2015-10-03
Oct 8, 2015 12:17 PM
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We've seen CO's and Phatty's take on this race. We would love your story too! For those of us not used to watching from the spectator seat in a warm, dry house, the stories helps bring us back to what we are missing!
Great race girl! Huge congrats! It was super fun following your progress through the race!
Great race girl! Huge congrats! It was super fun following your progress through the race!
Oct 9, 2015 3:47 AM
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Here's my very brief take on what surely was Hermes' experience:
- arrived in Parry Sound, immediately yurned for coffee, our navigator led me in the wrong direction...wtf?
- head to our rustic cottage to get set for race and roll my eyes at all of my nerdy teammate's talk of gram weights of shoes, lumens on lights, and how awesome our TA set ups are. Wow, this is different that the dog's breakfast that is FB et al's prep work
- running to the bikes and realize that this phatty dude is slowing me down already. Oh...my...gawd...he actually lands on his heals when he 'runs'. That's so 2009.
- a$$head teammates make me ride to CP1 sans bike shoes to save a paltry 4 seconds of TA time and now my arches hurt.
- there's that Benoit character dancing through the bush. What makes him such a big deal? I'm a big deal, yo.
- OK, time to paddle. But I keep trying to get this phata$$ in the rear of my boat to chat a little and all he'll do is grunt away back there. I know, I'll tell him a tale about cow tipping on Manitoulin...that sh!t's gold!
- this wind sucks. At the very least, if we tip our boat, maybe JYD will take his shirt off!
- Must hit CP11 before dark....must hit CP11 before dark...must hit CP11 before dark....OK Mike, I get it already.
- What?!? You seriously want to swim? Have you seen that I have no body fat? I do crossfit for gawd's sake. No way, we're going around and that is that.
- Phatty?!? There's no stopping at CP11 for hot chocolate. Benoit's right there for $%^& sake! Do I have to constantly remind you guys that we're here for the win?!?
- Sweet trail to the Moon River. OK, I'll admit it - our navigator is slightly less of a moron than my husband said he was.
- Right, let's rip this bike section up, boys. What kind of bike is that, Mike? You know we're not here in Parry Sound to go freeriding, right? Are those frame junctions seriously that enforced?
- I swear I just heard Quebecois accents other than JYD's sexy one. O-Store is close...I can feel it.
- Right, I'm going to bury these boys on this bloody Seguin Trail. Wtf? Why is Phatty slowing down. I know you eat 'pain' for breakfast over there in France but this isn't the time to let off the gas. Dig boys...diiiiiig!
- What? We seriously won? Oh, the Manitoulin press is going to be all over this.
...and that about sums it up!
- arrived in Parry Sound, immediately yurned for coffee, our navigator led me in the wrong direction...wtf?
- head to our rustic cottage to get set for race and roll my eyes at all of my nerdy teammate's talk of gram weights of shoes, lumens on lights, and how awesome our TA set ups are. Wow, this is different that the dog's breakfast that is FB et al's prep work
- running to the bikes and realize that this phatty dude is slowing me down already. Oh...my...gawd...he actually lands on his heals when he 'runs'. That's so 2009.
- a$$head teammates make me ride to CP1 sans bike shoes to save a paltry 4 seconds of TA time and now my arches hurt.
- there's that Benoit character dancing through the bush. What makes him such a big deal? I'm a big deal, yo.
- OK, time to paddle. But I keep trying to get this phata$$ in the rear of my boat to chat a little and all he'll do is grunt away back there. I know, I'll tell him a tale about cow tipping on Manitoulin...that sh!t's gold!
- this wind sucks. At the very least, if we tip our boat, maybe JYD will take his shirt off!
- Must hit CP11 before dark....must hit CP11 before dark...must hit CP11 before dark....OK Mike, I get it already.
- What?!? You seriously want to swim? Have you seen that I have no body fat? I do crossfit for gawd's sake. No way, we're going around and that is that.
- Phatty?!? There's no stopping at CP11 for hot chocolate. Benoit's right there for $%^& sake! Do I have to constantly remind you guys that we're here for the win?!?
- Sweet trail to the Moon River. OK, I'll admit it - our navigator is slightly less of a moron than my husband said he was.
- Right, let's rip this bike section up, boys. What kind of bike is that, Mike? You know we're not here in Parry Sound to go freeriding, right? Are those frame junctions seriously that enforced?
- I swear I just heard Quebecois accents other than JYD's sexy one. O-Store is close...I can feel it.
- Right, I'm going to bury these boys on this bloody Seguin Trail. Wtf? Why is Phatty slowing down. I know you eat 'pain' for breakfast over there in France but this isn't the time to let off the gas. Dig boys...diiiiiig!
- What? We seriously won? Oh, the Manitoulin press is going to be all over this.
...and that about sums it up!
Oct 9, 2015 12:26 PM
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FB:
That was hilarious
Can't believe she spilled the beans on our (non) prep-work!! That's our secret (stress reduction) weapon
Can't believe she spilled the beans on our (non) prep-work!! That's our secret (stress reduction) weapon
Oct 9, 2015 12:49 PM
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Wow. You're basically in my head! Except you forgot one minor detail...when I insisted you guys teach me all the French swear words.
Oct 9, 2015 1:53 PM
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Again, if you just try to coast, Phatty will pick up the slack and do your work for you. Phatty may be in Sales, but I'm in Management (get other people to do the work, make you look good, and then take the credit (nice trophy, I'll take that home, thanks)(there's my race report in a nutshell: showed up, said look at my super bling bike, man you guys are lucky to have me, now get to work on those maps, strategize the plan, and then I will criticize, point out obvious things like "pavement is faster than dirt". He even writes your race report for you.
Oct 9, 2015 5:08 PM
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Awesome report Phatty. Part of me wants to say "do mine next", and part of me is afraid of how close to the truth it might be... :)
If I write my own, at least I get to select what it says.
If I write my own, at least I get to select what it says.
Oct 9, 2015 5:49 PM
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Phatty, can you write my report cards for me too? The difference being that as much as you want to, you can't use $&@? words.
Oct 10, 2015 2:35 AM
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Ok, this was even better than Phatty's race report. Phatty's version of Hermes version, and CO's take on it are like a full comedy routine. Did you guys rehearse all this in the long hours paddling, or trekking? You're all inside each others' heads! CO's conversations with himself could be a comic strip. Man if Phatty wrote Hermes' report cards the parents would be laughing so hard they wouldn't notice if their kids failed or not.
Oct 10, 2015 2:44 AM
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Bash:
Do people fail kindergarten? P.S. Totally agree with Coach LD. Winning has made this team giddy and hilarious!
Oct 10, 2015 1:55 PM
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If those kids pick up Hermes's math skills, then they *should* fail kindergarten!
Oct 10, 2015 2:07 PM
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if there was talking in the boat, it was how terrible of a paddler I am!
Kids don't fail period. Kindergarten and onward. It's nuts! Parents can suggest having their child held back but they simply don't fail children. We wouldn't want to hurt their self esteem...
The scary part - I'm working toward my math specialist! Haha
Kids don't fail period. Kindergarten and onward. It's nuts! Parents can suggest having their child held back but they simply don't fail children. We wouldn't want to hurt their self esteem...
The scary part - I'm working toward my math specialist! Haha
Oct 10, 2015 3:14 PM
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"What do you mean I don't get everything I want?!?" "Work for it?! Huh?"
This discussion thread is closed.